maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
