I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
