I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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