Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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