I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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