Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
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