Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
