All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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