I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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