If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
