loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
