Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
