There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize