wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize