omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
even my farts smell like vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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