Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
