So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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