I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
