I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
