The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize