Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
