You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
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On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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