i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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