ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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