Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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