you traded sex for a burrito?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
