I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
