she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
