i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
