Small penises have feelings too.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
