found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
