I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
