I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
