I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm too high and old for this...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
