the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize