i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She is in my trunk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
