Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
