If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
