Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
