sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
