just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she told me i tasted like america
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
