First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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