As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
