looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
