FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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