you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
