After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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