Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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