he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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