she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
