omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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