Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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