Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
