I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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