sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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