My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
