Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
