he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No subtext here. People are naked.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
