i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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