I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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