just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
