Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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