Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
