saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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