You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
