Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
smell my finger.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
