There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
