I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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