So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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