You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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