i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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