I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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