and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
