It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
