Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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