We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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